Adrianne Elizabeth Lenker is an American musician and is the band Big Thief’s lead vocalist, guitarist, and primary songwriter. In an interview with Apple Music, Lenker notes, “It’s a montage of many different images that I had stored in my mind from being with this person. I guess there’s a thread of sweetness through it all, through things as intense as getting bit by a dog and having to go to the ER. It’s like everything gets strung together like when you’re falling in love; it feels like when you’re in a relationship or in that space of getting to know someone. It doesn’t matter what’s happening, because you’re just with them. I wanted to encapsulate something or internalize something of the beauty of that relationship” (Apple Music). Before we continue this review, I do want to give a content warning for the following song, as it does discuss topics of self harm. If you are uncomfortable with the topic, or may be triggered by it, I would kindly ask you to skip this week’s Buzz Beats and read any prior reviews that are published!
[Verse 1]
Staring down the barrel of the hot sun
Shining with the sheen of a shotgun (Shotgun)
The phrase “staring down the barrel” brings to mind images of a gun, but it quickly loses that meaning with the mention of the sun. That imagery reappears immediately after “Shining with the sheen of a shotgun,” which does so suddenly and unexpectedly. These lines seem to suggest that the hot sun is beaming down on her, and by “staring down the barrel,” it is causing her pain. This is likely a metaphor for the meaning behind the song, the pain of beautiful things, and how even though it hurts, we still miss them once they’re gone.
Carol has a little if we need some
To ease the pain and calm her down, Adrianne wants to buy a drug off of another person.
Joa has a ride if we wanna come
Hanging your jeans with a clothespin
Skin still wet, still on my skin
Mango in your mouth, juice drippin’
Shoulder of your shirt sleeve slippin’
These four lines show the little moments of the relationship that still stick with Adrianne, giving her happiness, but also sadness. These and other similar lines, which are scattered throughout the song, are meant to express Lenker’s eternal love for the little aspects of the relationship, even when it seemed to be going south.
[Verse 2]
Christmas Eve with your mother and sis
Don’t wanna fight but your mother insists
Like many significant others do, Adrianne notes how she spent Christmas Eve with her partner’s family. Although Christmas Eve is a time of giving, celebration, and love, these moments seem to be a direct contrast to that. Although trying not to, an argument happens, likely caused by the mother instigating a problem to the point where both Adrianne and her partner were pushed too far.
Dog’s white teeth slice right through my fist
Drive to the ER and they put me on risk
The dog in these lines is likely a symbol of Adrianne’s depression, being separated from the narrator. The dog slicing right through Adrianne’s fist is likely a euphemism for self-harm. In hospitals in the United States, through questionnaires, topics of suicide and suicidal ideation would be discussed, and if the patient answers yes to anything, they can be put on risk. The hospital here likely saw the wound and if they had the information of previous suicidal ideation, they’d put her on risk.
Grocery store list, now you get pissed
Unchecked calls and messages
Lenker is really alluding to the minor inconveniences in life and the strain they have caused between her and her partner.
I don’t wanna be the owner of your fantasy
I just wanna be a part of your family
Lenker’s perspective on love—more especially, the love of her former partner Indigo Sparke—is conveyed in these lines. To be the object of someone’s desire is to be “the owner of [their] fantasy.” Stating “I don’t wanna be” is necessary, implying that the default motivation in love is to be the “owner of… [one’s] fantasy.” By adding, “I just wanna be a part of your family,” Lenker softens this statement and presents a far more simple understanding of love. Lenker defines love as being a “part” of someone else rather than their owner.
[Chorus]
And I don’t wanna talk about anything
I don’t wanna talk about anything
These are a lover’s pleas for a break from the outside world. She wants to forget about the outside world and focus entirely on her partner, which is why she doesn’t want to “talk about anything.”
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again
Wanna witness your eyes looking
These seem like a rather peculiar set of lines. It’s not surprising that she wants to kiss in a song that intends to be a love song, but her preference is to kiss her eyes rather than her lips.
I don’t wanna talk about anyonе
I don’t wanna talk about anyone
I wanna sleep in your car while you’re driving
Lay in your lap whеn I’m crying
The chorus and the speaker’s expression of their varied desires are finished with these lines. The action of sleeping in someone’s car while they’re driving is silent and consistent with the intention to avoid talking about “anyone” or “anything” that was previously stated. “Lay in your lap when I’m crying,” the last line, alludes to both the emotional and physical closeness of being held and comforted while allowing one’s emotions to flow, as well as the physical intimacy of kissing.
[Verse 3]
Circle of pine and red oak
Circle of moss and fire smoke
Adrianne sings about short moments of memories she shared with her ex-spouse throughout this song. Lenker remembers little, hazy moments that she may have taken for granted in this lyric.
Fan on the ceiling like a wheel spoke
Push the clutch and I pull the choke
Wanna listen to the sound of you blinking
Wanna listen to your hands soothe
Listen to your heart beating
Listen to the way you move
In these last four lines, Adrianne wants to go beyond simple love; she wants to become so close to her partner that she can hear even the smallest sounds, like her moving or her blinking.
[Chorus]
And I don’t wanna talk about anything
I don’t wanna talk about anything
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again
Wanna witness your eyes looking
I don’t wanna talk about anyone
I don’t wanna talk about anyone
I wanna sleep in your car while you’re driving
Lay in your lap when I’m crying
[Verse 4]
Weren’t we the stars in Heaven?
Weren’t we the salt in the sea?
Adrianne is looking back on the relationship with enjoyment. They were described as “the stars in heaven, the salt in the sea,” signifying their perfection and greatness. She needs to be reassured that the relationship was wonderful, but she also wants to know why it ended and if it was that perfect.
Dragon in the new warm mountain
Didn’t you believe in me?
You held me the whole way through
But I couldn’t say the words like you
I was scared, Indigo, but I wanted to
I was scared, Indigo, but I wanted to
These last four lines mention Adrianne’s ex-spouse, and reference the moment they broke up; a difficult conversation that Adrianne couldn’t bring herself to talk about with Indigo.
[Chorus]
And I don’t wanna talk about anything
I don’t wanna talk about anything
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again
Wanna witness your eyes looking
I don’t wanna talk about anyone
I don’t wanna talk about anyone
I wanna sleep in your car while you’re driving
Lay in your lap when I’m crying
Find “Anything” from Adrianne Lenker’s third solo album, “songs,” on Spotify, Apple Music, and many other streaming services!
